Happy 40th Birthday Lawrence!

The new girl in Uncle Lawrence's life.

Isabella practicing her Sumo stance! She's just turned 10 months and is taking her first few steps on her vacation in the Bay Area. She's visiting from Austin TX!
Tiger shark at Hayward Shoreline interpretive center.
Uncle Lawrence and his niece Isabella!



Today Lawrence turned 40. We celebrated by going to Gerry's Grill, a nice Filipino restaraunt. We got to spend dinner and dessert with E Joe and Isabella. Isabella is 10 months

A book worm team

This morning, Silas woke up, climbed out of our bed and climbed in bed with Malachi who began "reading" The Little Red Hen. Such a beautiful thing! Silas was laying next to Malachi with rapt attention. His appetite for books has recently become apparent, his attention span increasing. He has joined the ranks of reading books over and over.

Back at the villiage, life as normal?

We babysat Cheyenne, our favorite dog overnight last week.

Silas playing with magnets.
Starting vacuuming early. Disguises optional.

I had to make this entry to share my newly permanent markered baby. Malachi found Silas with a permanent marker and thought he'd be the teacher of how to mark as much visible body parts as possible. The picture here doesn't do the artwork justice. Much is covered up. He was careful to include the large circles around the eyes. A picture is worth a thousand words....

Malachi's doing well with his cast. It is not nearly as bothersome to him as the splint from the ER was. This is lighter.

While Lawrence was away........Yay, he's back!!

Malachi broke his arm Sunday night! An accident involving a little assistance off a slide ended in a couple fractures on this brave kid. We spent 5 hours of 1 on 1 time. We got to read several books and talk with a 6 year old who fell off a slide and seamed to have broke his arm also.

Malachi was so calm not whimpering or even complaining that the nurse at the ER really didn't think he broke his arm. The worst part was when they put the splint on after 4 ½ hours of waiting. Malachi was groggy and crying, he kept saying the split was too tight and hurt him. The fiberglass was poking into his skin. His arm was hot and itchy. I felt so helpless. This was only a short period though, so it could have been much harder. My mom spent the night, since I got back home at 1a.

Silas woke up about around 2:30a or so. I was just going to bed. He was positively giddy to see me. Very smiley and content and giggly. Hospital departures too fresh.

And now........Lawrence is home.........Halleluja!!!!

Up up and away

Lawrence has been itching to get on a plane and fly over an ocean. He is getting this opportunity on the 26th of October. He is flying to the Philippines with his brother Sherwin. Sherwin is being deported.

Coincidentally, AKA providentially, our business is at a point where I just thought Lawrence needed to go to the Philippines to usher us into our next phase. Lots of paperwork, lease, etc... needs doing. Lawrence mentioned wanting to go to the Philippines the day I realized he needed to go for the business. He broached the subject cautiously and much to Lawrence's relief, thanks to the Lords prompting I was on board.

A whole week without Lawrence coming home at night is barrelling toward me. I am feeling the awesomeness of a weeks length right now. We have such a full schedule, it is just so daunting to not have Lawrence coming home, and 2 Saturdays, 1 Sunday, not counting the Sunday Lawrence will need to rest from his trip... here's to hoping the flight, like his long commute is the rest he needs:-o I wish I was joking.

Lot's of prayer coverage needed for us.

For those of you who don't know. We have a drafting business. Please pray for Gods best with this business. If it is to be, it will be full of blessings that will overflow and bless all that come into contact with it, employees, clients, and anyone in between. This business can only succeed if the Lord blesses it, and we want to be in the center of His will. Please pray doors clearly close or clearly swing open. Pray for Lawrence to have wisdom and discernment as he interviews and meets with architect schools to create relationships.

Please pray for Lawrence's safety, and also for Sherwin. This is a new beginning, and pretty scary. He moved to the US in 7th grade and before that lived in Papua New Guinea. He was born in the Philippines, but hasn't' been back since leaving as a young child. I don't know how old, but Lawrence left in 2nd grade to move to PNG, Sherwin stayed till he was 5 I think, with his Nanai(sp?)Grandma, before moving to PNG to join his parents.

Back from Radio Silence

Ok, this next story is almost too much, but this is my life. I went to drop off library materials, and was just getting back in the car when I received a call from Lawrence asking how soon I was going to be home. My littlest angel had cut his penis with scissors, and there was blood. We're seriously low on band-aids.

If you haven't heard about liquid glue, I can't say enough about it. Great for the very young children when you really need the band aid to stay on, and for the more delicate areas of the body.... Thanks to liquid glue, we all slept happily and comfortably through the night. For those of you who have no idea why I'm talking about that, just think urine=acid, cut in delicate places.

On to other things. I've been quite busy, and am in a constant state of near overload, or actual overload. My body is at about 20 years more aged than my age. While I am cured of any diseases, tumors or really life threatening things, I'm not recovered. I held Silas for about an hour or less last Thursday, and on Friday my lower back/Sacrum started hurting. By Saturday, I was immobile. It took a while to connect the dots to figure out the sources, it had crept up so slowly, seemingly unrelated. It will take me a while to get back to a robust life, for lack of better word.

It is so frustrating, I don't have the energy to keep my house clean, cook meals daily, put laundry back into dressers. For most moms, women even I think, having a messy home, makes your mind messy. How have we been living your wondering now? Lawrence washes the laundry, the dishes pile up until Lawrence or I clean them up. Vacuuming......... well, it could be done more often, shoes help so you don't feel the crunch! For meals, I started making oatmeal for breakfast everyday in the microwave, lunch and dinner tend to be 50% pre-made meals from ??

It's not really a depressed place, but I don't have the energy to get up from the chair, the energy to move, to think. I'm maxed out. It is a physical taxation. I'm depleted. I am trying to think of how to fill the void, to gain strides forward. Lawrence is so generous with giving me time to do things without kids in evenings and weekends, so I will crawl out of this void with time and more importantly, the Lords help.

The mere fact I've made an entry in the blog shows a spurt of energy. We are going to see Andre Cole, a magician, tonight. This should be a fun outing. I've been living as if I'm not teetering on the edge of total exhaustion. Staying at home with kids all day is not relaxing. They get cabin fever and then fight more. Let me tell you, bickering children is one of the biggest energy drains I can think of. So we've been doing school most days until quiet time, then going out. This week, Wed, Thurs, and today, I have limited school to whatever Caleb can do with minimal input from me. This is usually a page of math. And today, a page of writing.

We've been enjoying books on CD, and this week, have enjoyed Lunch Money, a new book, 2005. Very good actually. Long, 5 hour or so. I count that as read aloud, I am grateful for skilled narrators to fill our minds with the written word with much less energy than it takes me to read.

We started listening to CS Lewis's The silver Chair. I'm surprised, Caleb is enthralled with the fantasy. With the Classical education philosophy, you are supposed to read books below your reading level for entertainment, shear fun, books at your reading level and books above your reading level, to challenge you and push/pull you along. Caleb really enjoys reading books multiple times, so books on CD is great for that, those readers never get too tired, or have other kids that are hungry, tired or thirsty:)

ABC 7 news link.

Effective Ways To Avoid Breathing Bad Air (9/6)

This is the correct link to view when I was on the news on my first day out alone with kids. Already a lifetime ago.

Papua new Guinea Mud men Visit

I had to substitute for actual picture since Lawrence didn't take a picture. While I was out, Silas and Malachi played in the flour and Lawrence's best description of how they looked, is well, see the picture:) He didn't know whether to laugh or be mad, so he pursed his lips to keep them in place and moved through the clean up process. What a great husband he is!

Hemotology results back in. I'm cured! -read bottom of this entry for more on that.

Since my last update, I've had toothpaste on my bathroom scale, and I mean about 1/4 a tube of it spread evenly:) Lipstick on my wall, that may be a repeat, a spider bite on Silas' leg, which as a side note I've found out if you shred a red potato, skin on and pack in on an infected site, works for blood poisoning and streaking too, it pulls the poison out. So I seran wrapped Silas' leg the next night to keep the potato shreds in place. They stayed neatly in place all night(next to the wound, not on it, argh, but it did help). Silas also got a burn on his arm, looks like a frying pan mark, sounds bad, the idea of it is worse than the burn. Lawrence doesn't remember any incident, and I don't either, so that's even scarier. The only good thing about burns is they are great teachers about listening and staying back when told "This is hot, stay back". Poor guy.

OK that's all for now. The blood from falls ranks at honorable mention.

Home school is going well, though I thought I was quite clever getting a tape player for Caleb and Malachi to go listen to books on tape somewhere to increase quiet in the house and education. Well, our lovely 2 year old has un-strung 2 audio tapes and 1 video tape from the library, quite possibly making this one of our more expensive memberships. As of now, tapes are no longer allowed in any way shape or form from the library. I am planning to get a microphone and read books myself, that way, if Silas ruins them, it will be frustrating, but not as expensive. We are working on the anti-2 year-old-defense-system, but have not perfected it yet.

So for the curious amongst you, I have been settling into homeschooling, gaining my own philosophy and style. For someone like myself, this had to happen. Me not having an opinion is like a fish living out of water. Although, opinion is not really accurate. I have been learning about finding what works for me and each kid as I go without expecting this is best for everyone, and this, my friends is new and fabulous.

I loosely subscribe to classical education as follows:

Classical Education is based on 3 stages of learning, the first stage is the Grammar Stage when you input facts into the sponge AKA child. This stage is K-4th grade. The other 2 stages aren't important to me yet, so I can't remember them. With classical education, most subjects are taught by reading, reading, reading relevant material. History taught by historically accurate fiction, or non-fiction in story format as much as possible(at this point anyhow). Math, not done by reading:) Writing, we are doing Sing, Spell Read and Write, although we are at an impasse at this point and have wandered into working at our own pace on vocabulary for a while. Caleb's handwriting has improved considerably since last year, although, writing is far from his favorite thing to do.

We will be doing science with a few friends, and will be doing Mandarin with another friend. I'm looking forward to leading science but will not be teaching any Mandarin, shock and amazement, I know.

We are learning a memory verse a week, reading Emigmeyers Bible daily, read alouds (what ever books they choose from a bin I have set out). Doing math, vocabulary, which means I sound out a word ie. mmmmm aaaaaa nnnnnnn. Caleb/Malachi figure out the word and write it down. They know the phonics, so write the sounds. I write it down and then compare, making corrections. Ok, that may be interesting to 1 of you, so enough tedium.

I'm tired, and just realized I never mentioned the results of my hemotology appt. For any of you who made it this far.......... I'm healed!! That's what the Oncologist said after 4 hours of wating around. I took a blood test when I arrived for my 1230p appt. After that I waited for hours.......then my blood results came back normal, my white cell counts back to normal. Must have been off due to Castlemans, which was cured when they removed the lymph node 'tumor'. Not enough research on Castlemans, so who's to know, but seems to be the case for me. No, they don't want to use me as a study case, too few people to make it worth studying.

Congratulations if you made it to the end of this entry. This serves as 2 weeks worth!

A photo journal for today

Paparazzi catch an exclusive look at this falls latest footwear fashions. As seen in this early photo of Spidy, he has always been concerned with oral hygiene.

It's good to be loved.

Taking a break from all that fun and fun and running around with friends.

You've heard of horseback riding, riding camels, even elephants, well, now you've heard of and seen auntie EB back riding!

How serious are you about your fiber? You could take a lesson here. Malachi checking the underside of auntie EB's pedicure.

Labeled for future cataloging, if you look closely you'll see Malachi in Red on right cheek(your left) Aquino on forehead, and Philip on left cheek. Yes, he is missing a tooth.

Artist or Work of Art? That is the question.
Window art as a sport for 2008 Olympics?

washing windows is more fun than making the artwork sometimes.

All in a days work

I've decided that I'm going to make my best effort to behave as though I am physically normal, being careful, not cautious. My fist day going out on the town without a chaperon, OK to the park, was documented by ABC, channel 7 news. A piece about the poor air quality we suffer from in this hot weather. The link may change, but as of now it is http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/front Then there is a picture of kid/s on swings. The title is 'Effective Ways to Avoid Breathing Bad Air'. Our second time this year to make it into the news. CBS, channel 5, filmed the boys up on Mt. Diable during a snow flurry, I'm not really sure the proper terminology, lots of snow, it was coming down in clumps instead of flakes. I had no idea snow did that. Not much experience with it. Usually I've seen it in Tahoe when it's about 70 degrees out:)

Toddler antics since my last post... RED play dough all over living room carpet. Yes, the same carpet that was recently given a face-lift. Time for another one, so soon. Silas turned 2 yesterday. With all the fun stories, some of you may have been able to guess his age.

After our day out at the park, we stopped at the thrift store to get rid of 4 big bags of stuff, then went in, gotta get rid of 'stuff' to bring 'stuff' in. Some days there just isn't much, today wasn't one of those days. It felt like Christmas. I spent 20 bucks on some great books, fun strap to your arm, electronic shooting sounds... and pirate swords. Nice puzzle of the solar system, Battleship! Yay! And a few gifts for a gift box(AKA gift closet) I'm starting. A very busy day, and yes I was VERY tired when I got home.

Silas starts his first day of BSF(Bible Study Fellowship) tomorrow with Malachi and Grammie. He's such a big boy now. He is excited about it. He has done a lot of crying at the door when his brothers left him behind.

More Toddler Tales

This week has more toddler tales for your enjoyment. One of the days, Silas put his body through the railing bars. His head was too big, so if he fell..... I pointlessly tried to pry the bars apart, remember, I have less strength than normal, thought, should I have the fire department come and pry them apart? That would take too long. So I grabbed Silas' diaper, angled him as best I could and just pulled the poor kid out. He had bar marks on his chest and back. He wasn't too pleased, but better to be out than in! Lots of cuddling for quite a while. I think it really hurt him:(

Next toddler trick, he smelled like ketchup... I took him to sink, washed him off, took off his now red shirt. Didn't walk into kitchen or look for that matter. Later, I walked into kitchen and saw he had done finger painting on the floor! Could have been worse, it could have been all over the cabinets and the walls.

I'm doing better each week. Sometimes I take a step or 2 back, depending on how many times I have to get on my hands and knees and clean the floor! :-o I went to my regular doctor Thursday, got cleared for driving, and saw my Thoracic Surgeon yesterday. I shouldn't be seeing her anymore, got my walking papers. I was sore from all the bumping and long car rides 2x in a row.

We took the kids and went to Giradelli Square, saw how they make the chocolate yesterday. Then went to see the sea lions afterward, Pier 39. Caleb cared more about the break dancers. He's looking for some new moves:) Fun to be a tourist now and then in our own backyard. It drained my energy. I actually fell asleep on the way home. This is quite a feet, since I can't sleep in cars, on planes, even when we used to travel 1st Class international, couldn't sleep. Well, my head was flopping around just like one of the kids yesterday on the way home. I even opted to stay in the car once we got home to sleep some more with Silas until he woke up. So my stamina is not what it used to be!!

I have a hematology appointment next month, maybe this month by now. Monday the 10th at 12 or so, gotta verify. I have low white blood cell count. Why? Hoping the Hematologist(blood Dr) can tell me. One more set of prayers before leaving the special medical prayers behind and going into 'normal' life prayers of survival, cleanliness, teaching, attitude, discipline.

Judy, this post's for you!:)

Life in the oven is going well. We are out of Popsicles, I'm wondering if I make smoothies, how soon can they freeze into Popsicles? I melt in this weather. An east-coast acquaintance has said us Bay Area types are weather wimps, I confess, I'm a weather wimp, especially in the 87+ side of things.

Malachi spent most of the day yesterday doing an activity book he found amongst the books. Dot-to-dots, counting, coloring, writing numbers. After this, Malachi found a school work book I was given a long time ago for Caleb, and started writing in the letters, tracing, filling in the missing letters. We are working on his letter form. He is willing and eager to learn and enjoys it. 2 days ago he took our letter place mat and wrote out all the capital letters, lowercase letters and even the words to the song that are written on it(we are doing sing spell read and write).

I had heard in a conference on CD, you can teach a child to read in 3 years or 3 weeks, depending on when they are ready. So why force the child beyond what they are truly ready for.

My body is feeling better overall, still have the feeling of tightness like a piece of duct tape is pulling around where the scars are and beyond. Lots of numbness. Please pray my nerves reconnect and heal properly. I am doing more activity, by hook or by crook. Sometimes I pay a little sometimes a lot. I am having a stabbing pain on my lower left rib. I did get to see a body worker, Dave who has worked with me quite a lot before the surgery, before Camille. God has really used him to shrink the mass so that the ribs had to spread less than they would have.

When I originally had the 'information packet' measured the longest measurement was 8.5cm to 9cm depending on which scan we go by. When it was removed, the longest measurement was 5.5cm. Praise God!! I recently was taking in this information, realizing that I would have been in more pain, since the tumor was hard, and not pliable, my ribs would have been pulled apart further. So truly God is good to me!

All in a Toddlers Days Work

I've been surviving the last 2 weeks. Last week I was beginning to have normal periods of time, feeling 'normal' that is. I went through the baby clothes and Silas' dresser, packed up 5 garbage bags for giving away. Unfortunately, it set me back a week or 2 in healing.

Normal has eluded me since then, I'm surviving. I did however give 3 boys haircuts yesterday. Exhausted afterward. It's great I can do some 'normal' things here and there, but oh so frustrating to have to pay dearly for doing them.

On to the fun events that make up great stories to tell your grandchildren....

Silas put my sewing kit in the washing machine yesterday(another little man had tried out some sewing skills and left it within reach). Lawrence decided the wash had been left too long and re-ran it. Some loud clanging, bumping sounds coming from the garage, he stops the washer and looks in. Needles, thread, scissors. Most of you know what's in a basic sewing kit.

I was told to put Caster Oil on a hot compress on my soar muscles, so last night Lawrence took the boys for a ride to put them to sleep(a sign we're all surviving). He went through the drive-through pharmacy and convinced the clerk to get him some caster oil so he could stay in the car. She looked both ways before leaving her post, wasn't really supposed to do this.

When Lawrence came home, he gave me the caster oil, Silas woke up, I held him in my chair, then didn't get around to using the oil, left it on the desk. When I came down stairs this morning, Silas had beat me down and had emptied the bottle of Caster Oil on the borrowed chair(our only furniture right now, SHHHH don't tell yet, I think I'm going to have to beg to buy this borrowed chair, it has met with a few catastrophes, as far as chairs go). The oil was dumped on the chair and the carpet. Yay. A strong and clever baby!

On to other news, the boys have been banned from the downstairs bathroom, due to out house odors and other bad bathroom habits. They now have an alternating bathroom cleaning schedule so their toilet gets cleaned every day. This isn't completely often enough, but the best I can do under the circumstances.

School has started, well we've met with our teacher and have assignments due on Sept 4th already. We are going to be starting next week.

hospital charges

Wow!! Just going through paperwork. Getting on top of bills. Finally found the bill from my first hospital stay. Get ready......
100K+ - Surgery and 8 day stay
2nd hospital stay....just under 25K..... - 3 days without food or water! & 1 normal day
then a few misc bills for tests and scans for 2k....2k....1k....7900.....2k...

I mentioned before, can't complain about bad insurance, because no matter what my portion is, it will be a far cry from these numbers!!! ICC/ICU costs 12K+ per day!!!

The regular room charge on the thoracic/cardiac floor is $3400 per night.

Wow again! Health care costs!! I'm blessed with insurance!

Light at End of Tunnel Shining Through!

Some of you may be wondering if I can feel your prayers, I can. I have been sustained throughout this experience by them. So many of you have said to me you feel bad because you cannot do what you wish you could. Prayer is no small thing! It is more powerful than any of us can comprehend, so don't forget to keep on keeping on in praying! Also, so many of you have brought a meal, vacuumed my floor, washed my dishes, done load/s of laundry, sat with me, hung out with my kids. If you did this only 1x, that has contributed to the whole of having the caregiving I needed. We each have such busy lives, and can do what we can, and I have experienced first hand what one person doing what they can on a multiplied scale can do for me! I have had people helping when I needed, for how many weeks now?!? I am humbled and awed by the blessings of service I have received and continue to receive from God through you.

I am so grateful for what you have done for me as an individual and as a group. I have had my eyes opened to a support system around me that when I fell down, you were there to pick me up. Very Ecclesiastical. The sweetness of life.

Ok enough effusing! Wanted you to know I know and am thankful.

I saw my surgeon yesterday. I was braced for having to explain myself and prove I was still in pain. I have been so frustrated by my limitations. I feel generally pretty good, but if I do "normal daily activities" as I am supposed to be able to do, I have pain. Cleaning up the kitchen table and loading the dishwasher= 3 days pain. Vacuuming is out. The motion is too difficult still. I can force it, but can feel that I am pulling and not ready. How do I know this, I stopped after a whirl around the living room rug, getting the crouch off the floor.

I have to say, I have had fabulous friends coming over, vacuuming, fixing a meal, hanging out. So valuable.

Back to the doctor apt. She said that most of the patients of this type of surgery are elderly and subsequently have muscle atrophy, muscles turning to fat. The pain is less with less muscle, and being young, I had more muscle to cut through and now heal. Carrying babies for 7 years has kept this muscle strong. So more pain is "normal". The doc said 6 weeks of being on pain meds would have been best, but since I've been weaning off medication since week 2, I haven't had proper pain management to allow healing. Hmmmmmm. Frustrating, but here we are, I have enough pain meds now to not worry about running out, so if I'm legitimately hurting, I don't have to endure pain. This alone has given me a relief. Strange, but now I'm hurting less. It is the weekend and Lawrence is home and taking such good care of me.

But what about addiction you ask? As long as I medicate the pain, rather than the anticipation of pain, I should be OK. I have been at 1 percacet every 20-30 hours most days. I am humbled by the pull of the medication, and can see how I'm walking a line. Sometimes it is work to not take the medication until I'm in sufficient pain, so again, please keep me in prayer to be judicious and wise.

Pain

My pain has definitely gotten better. It is also different. The surface pain is infrequent, unless I'm laying directly on it, or chest tube sites here and there occasionally send a shout out. I am keenly aware of the subterranean pain, yeah, I'm the earth.

When the surgeons put the muscles together, apparently, the muscle above the cut doesn't lie flat again for around 3 months. It was disturbing enough to me to ask. Odd feeling and looking. I have so much numbness, around the cut, and across my ribs, under my left breast, including part of my breast on to the sternum. The nerve pain is not a painful constant as it once was, praise GOD! As my body is settling, there has been cessation of past intense pains, and awareness's of pinpointed pain. Under my rubs on my left side, I have a pretty constant sensation of a finger poking into my side. Similar to an intense gas pain. Since it is more toward my front a friend though it may be a phantom or referred pain. All the muscles are so interconnected, it may just be from being pulled and tugged by my belly and from being in motion. Who's to say.

I have seen a friend of mine who is a fabulous massage therapist, sounds luxurious, well, it is! She has a gift, my muscles were bunching up and I was getting a pinched nerve in my shoulder, left side above the cut. I could, and still can, feel the muscle acting separately from the bottom half, so I am more careful than before about moving. So while Camille, the massage friend, worked on that muscle, I felt a tingling sensation, and later when I touched that area, it was laying down flat! Camille has been such a blessing to me, my body and my mind while working through the healing. Her life is upside down now too. She had a leak under her sink which buckled her entire kitchen floor. Due to incompetency with the contractor sent out, only half the floor was taken out and dealt with and she now has mold problems. So reminiscent for me. She is living in a hotel until the mold can be resolved and this may entail an entire kitchen remodel at this point. Very sad since she just about 2 years ago put on beautiful, discontinued tile... Please pray for her. Spiritual health and physical health and mental health, this can be very taxing. She goes to Kingdom Hall which feeds her spirituality.

Not for everyone

If you don't want to hear about my fertility, skip the following paragraph.

I began my period the Sunday afternoon before my Monday surgery. Very disturbing to me, good thing I've had 3 babies already, as modesty was a luxury I was not able to afford. I warned you, not for the fainthearted. Today is beginning the 6th week since then. I am just into my fertitity yesterday and today. I find that fascinating. I do normally have long periods, but this takes the cake! May be you medical types and those otherwise gifted in these types of deductions are not surprised by this. A major shock to the body, staves off fertility. All I can say is fascinating, captivating, compelling, engrossing, gripping, and intriguing. That's for you cerebral types:) Now I have only had 2 periods so far since my fertility returned after having Silas (brag, brag...), so who knows the impact this has. I'm thinking minimal, although Silas has picked up his nursing since I've been back, I just don't think he's getting much.

Tearful Tuesday

It's past now, but theres a tale to tell. Tuesday was such difficult and tear-filled day. You may know this already, but I realized on Tuesday that my body is very messed up! As I mentioned before, I had a problem with one of my chest tube sites again! Different one this time, like it matters! It opened up and Caleb said,"It looks like we could just pull it open and look into your body". Not good. It had some puss, going downhill. A friend came over, and got me hydrogen peroxiding it. It looks better now, but not great yet.

I've been taking percacet, and Monday night I had a massage from a fabulous body-worker friend of mine. I left feeling clear. Can't describe it shortly better than that. I didn't take percacet on Monday and didn't need to. Now, being of sound mind, and body, realizing I couldn't move the way I have been without damaging my body, I became paralized. I didn't feed my kids, they began fighting, including one throwing a stool an another! Thankfully, Grammie pushed her plans to take the kids and I spent the entire day crying off and mostly on. I have NEVER cried like this in my life. Even in marriage hell, I cried and was done with it.

Taking this percacet has numbed my emotions and given me a false sence of well being. I'm laughing, isn't this why people take drugs? I can really get that now! I am taking it some nights still. I feel survivable during the day, and some nights start to feel really sore and some sharp pains. I fully expected to be in good enough shape to help out last week with the kids Jungle Kamp, and this weekend to be able so sit long enough for all day seminars. I'm really hitting the reality wall hard. Like I said, I'm just starting to get it that my body is so damaged.

The Lord is good, faithfull and takes care of me, not the way I would have asked of course, but I don't have all the puzzle peices nor the perspective and wisdom of the God of the Universe. I had no one lined up to help me this week, because Lawrence needed to start going to work, so I figured I should be able to do that by now on my own, so I decided I would do it alone.

Funny, I could have gone a lifetime without learning to ask for help while desperate and truely vulnerable. I wanted to wait until I was composed before asking people for help this week, but that time never came, and I realized I could not wait or I'd have a rerun of this day tomorrow. I called and left quivering messages for different friends. For most of you who know me, I don't cry, I don't ask for help and I've been pretty stoic in my life in general, PRIDEFUL. Well, I've been asking the Lord to take me to the next level, and he is faithful.

While in the 3rd or 4th round crying in the shower, I was beggning for deliverance from the Lord and I realized he was giving me the opportunity to be delivered through personal growth. He could just fix me, the situation, whatever, but how would that help me in the long run? I had to do my part and call people and ask for help. As one of my friends said, who wasn't available, the worst that will happen is someone saying what she said to me,"Sorry, I wish I could, but I'm not available".

Happily, my Wednesday was much better. Night and day. I had a friend and her kids over for the first part of the day, well until 330p really. The kids all played, my friend, Janet declared war on the ants in the freezer/fridge, yes you read correctly :(

At one point my kids began melting down, I was just saying, ok I need to feed them NOW, and Janet said, oh, my husband is hear with food. It doesn't get better than that! Well, ok, if I could eat the food myself... After slaving in the kitchen for hours, Janet vacuumed, played tug-of-war with an area rug, unfortunately, the rug won, but all is clean and vacuumed again.

Then the next shift came over till Lawrence came home. I'm also realizing this process has been isolating for me, not good for anyone, but I'm an extravert and grow like a flower with companionship. Now it's time to push for human contact.

Thanks for your continued prayers. I still desperately need them. Now more than ever. This is by far the hardest phase of this experience for me.

Thomas & Friends™ Lead Poisoning Hazard

http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml07/07212.html

snopes info - http://www.snopes.com/info/recalls.asp

Last night Lawrence told me about a recall on Thomas the Tank engine. I'm pretty upset. Seems lead testing should be part of normal quality control procedures for a company of this reputation, charging what they charge! Check this link, it's mostly red and yellow painted things. We have 3 of the items.

I am not usually an alarmist, and you have never received one of these mass emails from me regarding some 'big scare’. I am very concerned about the Thomas the Tank engine recall and want to be sure everyone I know who has the toys knows about this lead poisoning hazard. We have 3 of the recalled items. I bought these for my boys when Silas was born, the most oral baby ever.

Silas has been the mouthiest baby I’ve had, everything has gone in! He has eaten inordinate amounts of dirt and we’ve mostly written it off to being so oral. I was going to have him tested for lead about a year/6 months ago because he ate so much dirt. He used to pick up glods of dirt and take bites out of them, like it was food, and not just when people were watching! Our doc said his chance for lead exposure wasn’t very likely since our house was built in 1991. But eating so much organic material can be a sign of Pica, to help an upset stomach feel better? I never did get him tested, I was waiting and seeing if the dirt eating would let up. It has slowed down to an occasional dessert of dirt, rather than a mainstay.

Back to Normal?

Skip this paragraph if you don't like reading about wounds....argh.....

Got the call from a resident surgeon late last night. She said it's normal to have wounds get soft, moist then back to dry. It does seem to be forming a scab today. Filling in the open space, large scar coming there now. I may put some butterfly bandages on it myself to close it for a smaller less Frankenstein scar if I can get around to that soon. Ironic that I'm now calling and concerned over changes to these wounds. Used to wait until I knew for sure something was very wrong and not going away before involving doctors.

So I'm several hours in on my own today. The house didn't burn down.....Caleb is making pancakes, on the stove, and the T.V. has been on for more than the recomended 1 hour......But we're all alive here. I haven't had the dreaded poopy diaper yet. That's the one I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with yet.

Why must I be continually reminded how tenuous life is? My front chest tube site is questionable right now. It was dry and closed, and now is open and not dry, not leaking or anything, but now I am worried. It does hurt, wait and see, and lots of antibiotic ointment for now. I just left a message for the on call doc to see at what point I should pay attention, and what if any actions need to happen. I keep thinking and saying the worst is behind me and it's just cake and healing now, but I get scared with things like this now.

Lawrence goes back to work tomorrow. I'm anxious about this also. The way it is when you've had a baby, and your husband goes back to work and you are left with the kids. I'm hopeful that it will just get back to normal, pre-flight jitters.

Please pray not only for my anxious heart to be helped in peace by God, but for my health to go to a new normal, better than before, ASAP!

Also please pray for my cousin Todd. He's in Africa right now, very sick, probably with Malaria. He is on an IV with a coctail of malaria drugs. He seemed to respond to this at last report. Praying he is healed soon.

X-Ray and Doc report

I went to my first follow-up appt yesterday Friday. Had an X-Ray. There is some fluid in the plural cavity(not inside lungs), and my doc is ok with the amount. Doesn't want to see more than that. I can feel the fluid when I'm laying down, this surprised her. She also said she's never had anyone in pain this long......lucky me.

I'm still on narcotics, waiting long periods of time in between and taking lower doses, but, still on them. So if I'm in a conversation with you and I forget what we're talking about midsentance, don't think I'm not paying attention, just on drugs. Please pray I will be able to get enough pain releif with tylenol and ibuprofin so I can stop taking the percacet. I took extra strength tylenol yesterday to see if I was ready for the switch, unfortunately, it wasn't strong enough, and I have to wait the 4 hours before I can take the strong stuff, since it also has tylenol in it.

My kids had a wonderful time at Jungle Kamp this week. Thank you all who participated in making this happen, and for those that made it happen for my kids, driving them to/from. Lawrence, Lori. This was a biggie, very fun thing for them. a BIG THANK YOU to Grammie for all the child care she has been doing. She took Silas every morning and then the boys when they came back from Kamp at 1p, till Lawrence got home.

I do know this phase of life is in the finnishing phase, just lingering on a bit. I will be keeping my own kids next week, so a bit scary, since I won't be able to check out and nap any time I want. A bit afraid of changing a poopy diaper:-0 Lots of stretching, moving about for that.

Come hang out with us next week! Play in our yard, we've got a fun pool, sprinklers.

Turned a corner yesterday. I am not feeling the pain as intensely as I was. I didn't take any percacet during the night. I did take some before going to bed. Usually I wake up after 5 hours feeling very stiff, and a little torqued. I still have nerve pain, this is a strange sensation accross my back and front. Similar to a sunburn, but different.

------a few hours later---------

I was getting a glimpse at the future. Had some pain develope during the morning. It's ok, now I know I will be getting back to normal pretty soon. Thanks for your continued prayers for healing.

Also, please keep praying for harmony for the boys. Things seem to be getting more normal with me being home. Some signs shoing up at night, but with time, things will go back to a normal pace, better than before! One cool side effect of the pain and possibly the medication, I can't yell.... I am learning to speak in a quiet tone and seeing how the boys react. Silas especially doesn't like a raised voice even. Learning:) I'm seeing that it is mostly just getting attention that I have yelled in the past. Thinking of possible solution for that. Now you all get a real personal glimpse into my home.

Prayer really works. Things are coming around for our family. The kids have been going to Jungle Kamp at our church this week. They were excited about bringing money for offering because it is going toward buying a cow for a family in India, for milk, and when it has a calf, they will share or be able to sell it to help another family. How wonderful to have kids who care about another family enough to be excited to bring the money they have. Caleb earns a penney per weed with a root, and he brought his $$ for the offering. Today however, he's very excited about earning more money so he can slime Miss Connie and Pastor Paul.

I'm feeling better, that's nice, very vigilent with the fat though which is a challenge. Rather just skip eating...but the docs and a couple of people have warned against not getting the food and protien I need. I had a scare for the last 3 days. I ate 'lean' ground turkey. Didn't read the label. Not the same as chicken breasts. I could feel the gurgling as I breathed. Just a small amount, but, I freaked out in the middle of the night last night, thinking about another stay in the hospital........leaving Silas and the other boys again... asking for even more help from you all, and those that don't read the blog too.

But, God is so good, I don't feel the gurgling sensation any longer. I have my follow-up appointment to remove stitches, have an X-ray, talk about the pathology report.

For next week, I need people to come over and hang out with us. I'm not yet totally autonomous, although I am able to do much more than before. If you are available to hang out with us, play in the pool(large extreemly fun kiddie pool). Morning shift, afternoon shift, let me know:) Gotta let Lawrence get back to work full time. His boss has been extremely accomodating. Such a blessing. Need to respect and give Lawrence back to Air Systems.

ok pain med filled- thank you Target

And no, they didn't see a missing date! Time to move to mailed monthly regular drugs anyway. This was the push I needed to get that finished.

I'm eating some protien, and feeling a little bit better, also not stressed about not making it through tonight at home.

As usual, please keep the prayers flowing. Please add my sanity to the list. Really.

whine alert

I am getting so frustrated with pain, not being able to do my own laundry, clean my own house, take care of my own kids, feed us all.

I knew I was getting low on pain meds this weekend, but the docs office is closed till monday. I called in the afternoon today, Monday, and because of the medication being 'a controled substance' you have to have a paper perscription. Big neusance, Lawrence drives from San Jose to San Francisco to pick up by 5p. Annoying, but since I didn't count my meds on Friday, something that needed to be done. Well, they forgot to put the date on the perscription in the rush, and now, at 830p we get a call from the pharmacy, we can't fill this percription without a date.......... I don't have enough meds to last the night, and am in pain, already not feeling well in general, and now Lawrence is out trying to find a pharmacy to fill this percription at 845p! He has my medical card and ID so hopefully this can be done. The kids haven't eaten, I made some spagetti, but they aren't here yet to eat, they have to get up for cool Jungle Kamp tomorrow, a good thing, but all very frustrating.

I can't remember if I've already complained about a severely low-fat diet I'm on to heal my gap/whole in my Lymphatic system. The thoracic part of the lyphatic system carries the triglycerides, so to heal it, you give it a break, no fat. The only fat I can eat is from the 5oz meat I'm allowed each day. Even lean chicken, fish etc.. carries fat. I thought I knew a lot about nutrition, but as with all things in life, the more you learn, the more you find out you don't know much.

Enough grumping for now. Please keep the prayers coming, or going. I think I may be low on getting my sunshine.

I'm back.........Again!

Thank you for your prayers. Monday was a dark day for me. The thought of another thoracotamy looming was terrible. God got me through moment by moment that day. It was a day of dependence on God. Thankfully, Gods grace carried me through, His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I was at my weakest and I claimed that verse, and received comfort from God.

Good news is I have a diagnosis. I have/had Castlemans Disease. It is a very rare medical condition. Lawrence googled it and found that there have been only 200 cases on record. The tumor was a lymph node that got very BIG. This is difficult to diagnose via biopsy, and needs to be removed to be diagnosed. So that’s where we are. There are 2 types of Castlemans, the more common one is the one I had, 1 tumor, you remove it and should be ok. Some doctors follow it up with radiation, but my doctor doesn’t think that is necessary. She will be taking my case before the tumor board. They meet on Fridays, so don’t know which Friday she will be able to meet with them. The other, more rare form of Castlemans disease, is multiple, systemic tumors along the lymphatic system. I don’t have any other tumors, had a pet-scan to verify this a month ago.

So back to why I was re-admitted. I was leaking lymphatic fluid profusely from one of the closed chest tube sites. I filled several towels, including a full size bath towel. The lymphatic system carries triglicerides from your stomach to your liver. Because the lymph node was removed, not all of the channels were clamped(they are translucent and not easily seen), and the doc didn’t know she was removing a lymph node. So this led to an internal leak. I didn’t feel like eating in the hospital, so I ate very little, which means the lymph system wasn’t carrying much. When I came home I began to eat more, and after a week build up, I sprung a leak. I was having a difficult time getting a breath on Saturday for about a 5 hour period, then it went away.

What this means now: I am on a severly low fat diet. The only fat I'm allowed is 5oz of meat a day, which can be interchanged with an egg for 1oz of meat. This includes all animal meats, even fish. I will be on this diet for 2 weeks and then a more normal low fat diet. So, absolutely no Oreo therapy allowed! I'm doing ok. Ihave pain in my insision and chest tube areas still, but it is managable. I'm off the medication that gave me amnesia, so I just may remember conversations now:)

Thank you for your prayers, please do not tire of doing good, and continue your prayers for healing and harmony, peace in our family.

Pray for miracle that the hole heals in the next 3 days.

The doctors believe there is a hole on the lymph, which most likely got nick during the surgery.

Today Tuesday, they plan to insert a chest tube to discharge the fluid from the inside and to give the inner lining a chance to heal.

Heidi is on NPO - which mean no food and no drink for the next three days and hopefully the lymph will heal itself. The goal is hopefully the hole in the lymph will patch itself. She can only drink when she is taking medicine.

If it does not heal itself in 3 days, then Dr. Kukreja will perform another full open surgery, search for the hole then patch it. That is, if she can find the hole. The problem is, it is very difficult to see the pipeline of lymph because they are almost invisible to see.

Dr. Kukreja believes she can find the hole with 50% certainly. She said in Boston, there is this procedure where they inject dye through the foot so the doctors get a better chance of finidng the hole on the lymph. The procedure is very painful and she does not think it is practice at UCSF.

Please pray for miracle that the hole heal itself in the next three days.
-Aquino Family

Heidi is leaking at her left side and is back at UCSF - Please Pray.

Friends and familys,
Heidi is leaking fluid at her left side, and when she called UCSF Sunday evening, they told her to go back to the hospital.

We got to the hospital about 1 am in the morning. The attending doctor, Dr. Yang don't know what is leaking out, so they are doing several test. The leak is like a watery drip on her side, and the doctor/nurse placed a plastic bag to catch the leak to measure how much it is leaking.

Her surgeon Dr. Jasleen Kukreja was phone called at her home (about 2am)and informed by Dr. Yang of the situation.

The doctors think there are (3) possibilities: lung, lymph vessel or pus. If pus then Heidi might be infected, but they doubt it because she has no fever. Whatever it is, they started several culture to find out. The culture result won't be known for about 2 days. In the mean time, if the doctors think it is an infection, then they would probably start her right away with an array of antibiotic (shut gun approach) non-specific bug killing process. Only when they get the culture results, then they could start to kill the bug with a specifc antibiotic.

They did an xray and the xray look the same as when she was discharge from the hospital last Monday and the leaking fluid should be clear if it is from the lung. But the fluid look like 1% milk, not so white and is watery.

If it is coming from the lymph then the leaking fluid would have a higher viscosity (not watery).

Dr. Kukreja has other morning duties at other UCSF sites and she won't be able to see Heidi until afternoon. Heidi is forbidden to drink or eat anything in case the doctors will need to operate on her again.

Please pray for Heidi that the doctors are able to determine quickly where the fluid is coming from or causing it. And that the doctors come up with the best solution for it and not so painful for Heidi. And most of all, pray for fast recovery.

Thank you for your prayers.
The Aquino Boys.

Oh, i ask the doctor if its Silas' milk (breast milk), and he said maybe - not sure.

A healing itch?

I'm itching like crazy! My nerve pain covers to my left side, stomach, and part of my chest and back. All signs of proper healing but I'm feeling a little crazy from the itching and healing. Had to tell someone!

I finally am on top of the pain today, and they pull the happy feeling right out from under me, and say it's time to start weaning. Well, it is better than when I was supposed to begin weaning last week and wasn't in control of the pain yet. I just can't wait till I feel normal and pain free again.

Friday I did ask for the pathology report to be faxed to me. Since I don't have it yet, my assumption is that I'll get it when I see my doctor on Friday. I will of course post the results as soon as I know anything. My appointment is 10a, Friday 13July.

Reflecting on my experience, I think I am not as queasy and uneasy with needles anymore. Every morning, I was woken by a blood draw. Quite an experience being in the hospital for 8 days. I was definitely the spring chicken in the Cardiac / Thorasic recovery floor. There were a few other youngsters like myself, or younger, but most had gray hair and their ages were 80+. My 3rd room-mate was 87 or so, and was a fun person. She had checked in the night before for a similar procedure. She had lung cancer and was having a lobe removed, although her surgery was going to be thoroscopic, so faster healing. So cool you can be healed by 1 surgery.

I'll share more reflections, and bore you with a blow by blow when I'm sober. I'm high on percacet right now, though sadly, and gladly I am starting to wean.

High as a kite

Hello everyone. I'm happy to be back home. Weird to be home and not myself. The kids just kept playing. My being home was almost incidental. The pain is unfortunately not at bay, but better. I talked to a nurse today about my med and pain situation. I have to wean off a couple of the pain meds already. It is a challenge, but I know this will be a memory soon. I'm having quite a bit of nerve pain, which is good in the theoretical sence, it means I'm healing, the preverbial itch under the band-aid. The nurse has me upping my nerve pain medication, so I am hopeful this will allow for more comfort and longer sleep at night. Please continue to pray for sleep and pain abatement.

It is interesting to be on narcotics. I think I present fairly normal, however, my sister called while on her way to my house today and I said cool, did we pre-arrange this? I didn't even remember we had talked about it 2x! Thems the breaks. I'll take the drugs and the airheaded self over more pain at this point. I am getting very tired of it though. Can't believe sometimes that it's dragging on so long.

Moving right along, my kids are doing well. I am so blessed, my heart overflows with gratitude and thanks for all that mom, freinds, and spiritual family are doing. It is a wonderful thing to be taken such good care of. Therese is running my daily schedule, many of you have been called by her and have so graciously been bringing meals and taking the kids out for hours to have fun and give Lawrence and my mom, Grammie a break. Grammie has been working so hard, doing laundry and household chores, on top of being available to take care of kids in between times.

Chris took my kids from 10 or 11a to 9p!!!! the other day. She lost track of time and called to see if she could keep them longer to feed them! To lose track of time when watching someones kids, wow! How wonderful to be so blessed! I can ramble on an on right now, I'm high from the percacet's.

All of the perscriptions are not pain meds, some are anti-inflamatorie- can't think clearly, other unmentionables and of course pain meds. Lots of meds! I have a little yellow notebook where I keep track of what to take when and how many hours apart. (4) percacet 8a . That's for clarity. It's really quite overwhelming to be sent home with a ton of meds and not being clear headed. I carry it around, or have it near, so I can keep up with what med is coming up. Sometimes, I'm counting the minutes till the next dose. Can't wait till this phase of healing is over!

Please keep praying. And thank you for your prayers. Very cliche but they work! Interesting to get a peek into the life of a junkie. No wonder it's hard to tell if someone is on drugs, they seem pretty normal, just a little off.

Last Entry: the boys mama is home

Late this afternoon, Heidi was release from her hospital room. She had three roommates while recovering.

The nurse release her with (10) different types of pain medication. Yes that is ten. The nurse even said to make sure we don't lose some of the presciption because they are worth at least $300 dollars each in the street of San Francisco.

Heidi was feeling good last Friday that they removed the epidural and catheter. However, within about an hour she started to feel the surge of pain again. So on Saturday and Sunday, the pain doctors tried to figure out the best way for Heidi to manage her pain.

By Monday morning, the pain doctors finally came up with the correct combintaion of ten different types of oral medication for managing the pain.

When I came for Heidi at 3:30pm, Heidi was asleep. The nurse had a little difficulty waking her up, so she lowered the one of the medicine from 1,500 mg down to 1,000 mg (i think that is metric for milligram).

Wells that all folks, that is my last log entry for Heidi.

Last notes: Thank you to Grammie for watching the three boys when i went to work and while i visited Heidi. And while Heidi was gone, Silas grew up and is now able to open our fence's gate and he whispers to my ear.

And thank you to the folks whose been bringing dinners and for the folks who watch the three boys (and gave grammie a short break), and thank you to the ladies that clean our home.

Last log entry for Heidi,
Lawrence

Chest Tube is out

Chest Tube is out, actually more like side tube. The hospital folks remove the chest tube early this evening about 7pm Thursday 6/28/07.

This means also the nurse are getting Heidi ready for discharge by decelerating the pain management via the epidural. Just like one of those long jet plane ride, the pilot slowly lowers the plane from high altitude to lower altitude so the passenger can get use to the pressure [ear]. In Heidi's case however, the nurse are slowy lowering the doses of pain medication from 14 cc (thats metric folks) down to zero (i guess) by 0.5 cc every hour. I forgot to ask the nurse what the unit time for 14 cc (per minute or per hour).

What i dont understand is that every time the nurse lowers down the medicine, Heidi uses her clicker to get more intake of the pain killer - she basically overrides the automatic fluid flow.

For a while early this evening, she had this bad hiccup and she couldn't talk becuase it hurts her so much.

I went for a walk with Heidi around the hall corridor. She even lapp some other fellow, and he had a helper carrying his oxygen; while Heidi had hers on wheels. At one point Heidi got mad at me for slowing her down because i keep on stopping reading the factoid on the walls. One factoid say: the blood vessel is 60,000 miles long enough to go arround the equator two times. Another say the blood circulate around the body in 20 seconds. Now i wonder if that means the blood circulates 60,000 miles within 20 seconds.

I heard that people around the world come to UCSF for treatment, and this must be true because when Heidi and I were going to her pre-surgery appointment they kept on asking us if our hotel is nearby. And Heidi would politely say something like "Oh no we leave accross the bridge, and didn't have take a plane or something, we just have to ride the traffic."

So with that in mind, I expected Heidi's roomate to be someone from a very far place. Nope. Her roomate lives on on West Avenue which is a few blocks from our home in Hayward, California.

I ask if the result of the biopsy was available, they said it will probably be ready by early next week.

Heidi told me that since the chest tube is out, visitors are now welcome.

Thank for your continued prayers. Please keep on praying for Heidi. Some say that Heidi's surgery is sometimes more painful than an open hearth surgery. Thats probably becuase Heidi's was "open surgery".

Folks, that's all for tonigh'ts report,
Lawrence

Heidi is out of the ICU

This afternoon (Wednesday 6/27/07) Heidi was transfered from the ICU to the regular hospital. Most of the tubes that were dangling around her body were removed, but not all. She stilll have the chest tube coming out of her left side as a drainage tube; and she still have the catheter, epidural and other tubes and monitoring devices hook up her still.

Via the epidural, she's taking Dilaudid with her thumb self-click. The ICU nurse explain to me that Dilaudid is 10 times more powerful than morphine. She is also taking Thoradol; which was approved override by Dr. Kukreja because the other pain doctors would not approve more than one dose. I am told that Thoradol is like 100 times more powerfull than Ibuprofen.

Yesterday, Tuesday morning, the doctors were concern that they may have nick into the esophagus because Heidi's pee were not at the level that it should be. So they did some "live" xray for which she had to drink some bitter medicine and some bromide. The xray ruled out the possibility of cut on her esophagus because it was not leaking.

Heidi and I meet Dr. Jasleen Kukreja a couple of weeks ago for the pre-surgery meeting. My impression of her was that she really knows her trade like a good car mechanic knows the problem of a car by the sound even without opening the hood. She answered all our questions and not just the way she spoke with confidence but the way she answered it made me feel she really knows her stuff. On the way home that day, I even mention to Heidi that that doctor knows her stuff. Something about her not throwing in big words and instead use layman terms. And when she did use some not so common word, she immediately followed it up with an explaination. Or, she'd say "i am not explaining this well", and she explains it differently. She was not cocky.

I just google her name, and she is some "rising star" in her field.
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/02/11/CMGDVNKA3H1.DTL

And for those who want to see the "puppy" (warning: do not click if you don't want to see blood)
click here (if you can't see the puppy, send me an email):
http://cache.pando.com/soapservices/Package/package.pando?id=8E7A810A82D89EB4DB9B67E08CB9D2D11416A796&key=12A9BD88D524A9FCF30B26B05525A73B4181785BF1F64BAAF121DC62C3971EF5&tt=S2W&embedId=1F087B7096DC1C7AF99E25401CF628A7

2nd blog for Heidi,
Lawrence

Surgery Day

The Thoracic Surgeon abandons thoracoscopy procedure after a couple of hours of maneuvering her tiny cameras and hers tools of trade within the 3 to 4 inch incision. Dr. Jasleen Kukreja goes for the full open surgery at below Heidi's left arm pit and between the ribs so she can remove this one large "puppy" the size of tennis ball and golf ball combine.

I asked Dr. Kukreja how big the cut was and she motion with her fingers (pointing to her pinky and her thumb) the approximate length which i guesstimate to be about 9 to 10 inch. She said she tried really hard to get that puppy out using thoracoscopy but the mass was hard-firm to touch and difficult to maneuver her camera. Her original plan was to go in there, bag it with plastic bag and squeese it out of a small hole incision . Due to difficulties, she went with the second option by way of open surgery. This way she did not break any ribs nor cut any ribs.

Heidi checked in 6am Monday 6/25/07; and, at 7:30am she rolled into the surgery room. By 1:35 pm the surgeon handed me a picture of the "puppy" that she got out. Earlier when Heidi (and Caleb) requested a piece of the mass to take home to look under our microscope, the doctor look at her funny becuase nobody else has ever asked for sample. Heidi thought its kinda like when you take your car to the mechanic, you can always or at least the customer have the right to ask for the old parts. But because of some bio-hazard health code regulation, the next best thing was a colored picture.

At the previous office appointment, Dr. Kukreja said there was 20% chance that she may have to call in a Neuro Surgeon if the mass is wraped into the spinal chord areas. Dr. Kukreja did not have to call in the Neuro Surgeon. And she got it out.

However, the surgeon said because of the open surgery, the location and how big the incision was, Heidi will have some [BIG] pain. Later Heidi ask the surgeon about recovery if these was the 5 to 7 day hospital stay recovery as oppose to the 4 to 5 day hospital stay recovery for thorascospy - the surgeon responded by saying " we'll see..." . I think the surgeon did not want to answer becuase i think the surgeon did not want to plant in Heidi's mind that the hospital stay could be longer than 7 days (plus the weeks and weeks of home recovery) because its an open surgery.

The hospital finally let me see Heidi at the post-op room at 4:30pm. She had tears in her eye because the pain management doctors could not figure out how to relieve the pain in her shoulder. Heidi have epidural in her spine and a clicker on her right hand so she can self-click to control the pain from her chest area down to her odomen areas, but not the upper shoulder. The doctor tried one dose on Toradol and that did not relieve the pain. Maximum of one dose of toradal was allowed because possible side effect was bleeding - and doctors don't want bleeding.

Heidi is allergic to morphine, so that option is not available.

At about 9:45pm they move Heidi to the ICU (10th floor for cardiac, lung and vascular). I came in to the ICU about 11pm and they were changing her bed sheets. Heidi had to roll as much as she can to one side and she was in BIG pain while she rolled over.

Some of the side effect on the pain medication or whatever the anesthesiologist (i think that was the nurse said) gave her causes constipation. So, the ICU nurse give her some drugs to counter act the constipation.

Even though Heidi had not drink liquid since the night before, she has IV for fluid intake and the ICU nurse were a bit concern that Heidi's output (pee) level were not as expected. They then took some blood sample for testing on why her pee is not at the level they expected. They also flush her catheter.

As i left to go home at about 12:30am, i could see Heidi's skin below her throat areas shaking (vibrating) from pain in her shoulder.

And for the folks, friends and families reading this blog: Please pray for Heidi for relieve from pain or at least manageable pain at her left shoulder; and, a quicker than typical recovery from an open surgery. And for the other pain management to continue to work. And for the nurses and doctors to be always at their peek performance skill level and be able to make the right call/decision at the right time. And for the nurses and doctors to be attentive to Heidi's needs.

writing in for Heidi's blog,
Lawrence

Thank you in advance

“The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”- Psalm 121:7-8

Thank you for puting my mind at ease and helping take care of my children, feed them, play with them. I can work on my job of taking mind altering drugs and healing:)

All set for surgery! And away we go!

After raw few hours of being overwhelmed yesterday with three demands, everything is coming together. Many of you have signed up to help with childcare, and bringing meals. Knowing my family will be fed is a big load off, and knowing Lawrence will not be on 24/7 is big too.

The pulminary function test is on Wed at 2p. Pre-op appt is on Friday at 830a and surgery is at 6a Monday 25June.


UCSF Medical Center at Parnassus
505 Parnassus Ave.San Francisco, CA 94122(for mail use zip code 94143-0296)
(415) 476-1000


If you are available to bring a meal or be on call for childcare, please email me. Therese is coordinating and will call to arrange dates.

You are welcome to visit me in the hospital un-announced or announced, as I will likely be just hangin' around by an IV:) If you want to do more than sit with me, we can take a walk, yes that's encouraged! If you're a touchy feely type you could rub my feet, my hands, massage my scalp, or just talk with me. I only mention things to do since I usually have no idea what to do or say to someone in the hospital who's gone through surgery. Sitting and talking is a wonderful gift. Reading the funnies from Readers Digest, or other, is a fun way to spend time also.

If you want to bring me a meal, I'd welcome that too. Homemade, restaraunt... Hospital food has some deficiencies, though it is great to be fed and not have to lift a finger to prepare it! I like Thai food, spicy food, vietnamese food, mexican food, middle eastern food. I especially love veggies and fruit and salad, romaine lettuce my fav. I'm pretty open palated.

I have had my eyes open to many things. I have a pretty deadpan sense of humor, and this is just fuel for my humor. No need to feel pitty, or feel you have to put on a somber face. I am very comfortable with what is happening to me, not that I won't be in pain and on drugs:)

This whole experience has been a catalist for fast personal growth and I truely see it as a good thing in my life. This is an 'information package' that I no longer need, so good ridence, and thank you for what I have learned. The Lord has sustained me through your prayers. Where 1 or more are gathered together in my name(Jesus) I am there. So many of you have lifted me to the Lord in prayer and without that, I could not have the peace I have.

I am so thankful for the health I and my family have. This type of experience really puts that in your face. (Being pregnant does too, at least for me:)no I'm not pregnant, I'm just saying)

THings to pray:

• For Silas to adjust, be busy, have fun with life, not tramatic
• For all of my family to grow from this in charicter, deepen their faiths now or in future because of this experience.
• Peace between all of them, support eachother, get along, resolve conflicts on own
• Breakfast and lunch every day
• health

For me:

• IV's to be done skillfully and not hurt
• For doctor/s: health, focus, simplicity, attention to detail
• no long term damage, nerve and all else

I can't think of anything else. I'm sure you can. God sent his holy spirit to interpret our prayers, in groanings and utterings too profound for us to understand. So just pray anything. God knows better than I/we what needs to be done.

Above all else, I want Gods glory to be reflected and seen through this experience. He is truely worthy of my praise and worship. Every good thing comes from him.

Surgery date set :-o

Now it's getting real! My pre-op appointment is Friday, 22June @ 8:30a. For those of you, who, like me think that is next month, that's this Friday! Surgery is scheduled for 6a Monday 25June.

Of course this experience wouldn't be complete if there wasn't some kind of wrench in the works. I have to take a pulminary function test before this date. There are no appointments, available, so surgery will be cancelled if I cannot get one before surgery! I have a pretty high tolerence for stress right now with all of your prayers, but this makes it stressful for me.

Please pray for a quick cancellation or not needing pulm. function test or ????? Please and thank you for bringing me before the Lord in prayer. We are really going to need to be carried by your support through these next 3-4 weeks.

After the Pre-surgery appointment

Ok, first things first. I just read the Pet-scan report. The biggest thing I was hoping for was for the mass to have shrunk.The measurments of the tumor can vary based on how it is measured, but...... new measurments are: 6.3 x 5!!! Origional measurements were 6.6 x 4.6 x 9cm in the MRI from March 21. similar measurements from March 12, 8.4 x 4.1 x 5.4 Variation based on exactly where is measured, who is measuring. The most recent report says not significant change, but I'll tell you, to me this is significant. There has been much work, prayer and more in my life that I attribute this change to.

On to what you're wondering about, the Thoracic surgeon consultation today. This was a pre-surgery meeting. She answered 90% of my questions before I even asked. I did ask for the tumor, or if I could at least see it. She said that was a first for her:) She said she'd try to take a picture, if the equipment was working, if the wind blew from the west at 50 knots and it rained at 10a. So I doubt I will get to see my companion. So long little guy. Thanks for what you taught me, glad you're out of my life.

We're looking at the next 2 weeks or so. THis is very soon! The goal and expectation is that this will be thoroscopic surgery, like laporoscopic, but in the chest cavity. There would be 3-4 incisions, a bit larger than with laporoscopic due to bones and the torque of the instruments. There is a chance of numbness in those areas, we'll pray not permanent. Other misc. info, not for the fainthearted:) Main surgery will be from my side. The largest incision will be on the back, and is expected to be the removal site.

Hospital stay will be 3-5 days if all goes according to plan above, and if neurosurgeon is called in, will require more things not for the faint hearted. I love all this biology stuff, so if you are interested, feel free to ask and I'll be happy to share all the future gore with you:)

If thoroscopic doesn't work out, hospital stay would be 5-7 days. Healing time at home for either way will be approx 2 weeks on pain meds.

At this point, the Lord has been so good to me. He has given me so much grace. I pray the grace my children need to not just survive while I'm gone, but to thrive will be given to them as well.

I plan to 'read' lots of books on tape/cd. So if you have some cd's, books, music you'd like to share with me for my enrichment at the hospital stay, I would be very blessed by them. Be sure to put you name on them so you will get them back afterward. My mind will be drugged out a bit to remember what came from whom. If you have a tape/Cd player walkman/ earphones I can borrow please let me know. This will make the hospital stay a better time. Almost a trip to Calistoga, ok not even close:) But much better.

Lawrence, Caleb, Malachi and Silas are going to have the toughest time with this experience I think, so please remember them in prayer, and if your local, and so inclined, drop them a meal with-out cheese:) My biggest challenge with the surgery is leaving my family without me. A blessing and a challenge. I have been going out on my own much more lately, so I'm not completly without practice as you may think.

As soon as I have a date for surgery, I will post it. This will be at UCSF. I will post all info, address, phone number, etc... I welcome unannounced visitors, calls, meals etc... while I'm in the hospital. I doubt I'll be too busy in the middle of my gimping around:)

Radioactive milk

In the interest of keeping Silas from getting Radiation poisoning, I had to watch him sadly fall asleep without nursing. After what seemed like hours of inconsolable screaming in the middle of the night, I decided to rewire his brain and turn the T.V. on so I could get some sleep. It worked for a while. Once my back was stuck in a sideways position, I picked him up to bring him to bed upstairs.......screams..... It was a hard night. This was pretty close to the age when I night weaned both Caleb and Malachi, but I don't have the motivation of an impending baby to give me the willingness to go through this more than 1 night!

I went to my moms to pump to releave myself. I had no idea I had enough milk to be this uncomfortable, I hadn't nursed since Tuesday morning. There's nothing to make you feel contaminated with radiation, like having to throw the containers away as well as the milk.

Training Complete!

I've now had several cat scans, MRI, X-Rays, and now a Pet cat scan. I've completed training on all scans:)

After filling out my paperwork, I received a beautiful bracelet for my stay. I went into a small room with a big blue throne. Even had a pillow for my arm. After looking over my veins for several minutes, the very personable Tech hooked up the IV. Have to say, this was the best IV I've had. Least pain of other sticks, and no bruising even now. I wish I could remember what it said on his nametag. Radioactive something. Very cool title. First, saline injected via IV, then after a try at drawing my blood from the IV, he had to stick me:( Checking glucose level. If level is too high, as with diabetics, the scan will not work. Then he injected the radioactive isotope florine 18 with glucose. This radioactive isatope was brought into the room after all the prep was done. It was in this metal container marked radioactive and injected from there into my IV.

After this I waited in another room for 45 minutes so the glucose can begin to metabolize in the tissues. Info on the bottom of this entry about pet scan and more info. Next I was brought into the room with the cat scan equipment. The Tech, Michael, very kind, enjoyable even, got me set up on the bed, if you can call the long plank a bed. 1st there were x-rays, then cat scans and lastly the pet scan which lasted 35 minutes. Lawrence was able to be in the room for the petscan portion.

After the pet scan they gave me water, and a granola bar! Who ever heard of such a thing! How nice. All around, best customer service in a medical situation I've encountered.

I can't nurse for 24 hours, so that takes me to 2p tomorrow. Poor Silas. He was so sad tonight when he couldn't nurse to sleep. He laid under the piano bench gently crying face-down on the carpet. So sad. He didn't cry and scream, but morned.

Positron Emission Tomography (PET) which is a more precise and sophisticated technique using isotopes produced in a cyclotron. A positron-emitting radionuclide is introduced, usually by injection, and accumulates in the target tissue. As it decays it emits a positron, which promptly combines with a nearby electron resulting in the simultaneous emission of two identifiable gamma rays in opposite directions. These are detected by a PET camera and give very precise indication of their origin. PET's most important clinical role is in oncology, with fluorine-18 as the tracer, since it has proven to be the most accurate non-invasive method of detecting and evaluating most cancers.

Pet scan rescheduled

My insurance denied the pre-authorization for the pet cat-scan. I was in the middle of another busy project, and had to add dealing with calling. I finally found a wonderful, helpful person, Aurelia(please pray for her to be blessed and to know Christ). Unfortunately, after an appeals proccess yesterday, I was denied again.

Had to cancel my appointment 6p last night. At least I didn't have to get up for a 7a appointment. I did get a call today around 12n that after my doctor called this morning, that I am now approved! SO, the pet-cat-scan is now scheduled for June 12, at 2p. Then on Friday, June 15 @ 12n I meet with the Thoracic surgeon to go over everything.

Will keep you posted as I find out any new news.

We put a bid on a cool house in Castro Valley, there was another offer, without the contingencies we had, so they are making a counter offer to the other people. Bummer, but that free's up some brain cells for other life. The timing wasn't great, but it was a great house, one that doesn't come up too often. Since we didn't get this one, I'm sure God's plan for us is amazingly better. It would have been good, but we wait on the Lord, his plans are immeasurably better than any eye has seen, mind conceived...

Upcoming Doctor Appointments

Pet- Cat- scan scheduled June 6 715a. You know me, this is painful! So early! Next appointment with Thoracic Surgeon is Friday June 15. To go over scans, and talk about the surgery. I don't know how soon they'll schedule this, guess it depends on when everyone is available. Could be any time after that apointment. Will keep you posted.

I really want to go to the Modesto Home School Convention 27-28July. Please pray I will be healed enough and in driving condition by that time.

Until next time.........

News Flash

To verify this tumor did not originate elsewhere, I will have a pet cat-scan. This is cool. It checks for any cells that are eating sugars quickly, fast metabolic growth. Before surgery I will also need a pulmonary function workup. After consulting a Thoracic surgeon, and looking over my films, the recommendation is now to have the tumor removed ASAP to avoid future problems from a larger tumor. So, ASAP is soon, but not light speed. Lawrence has 2 weeks vacation, so guess this will be like having a baby:-o As for the 2nd biopsy, they will do what is called a frozen biopsy, during the first part of surgery. One stop shopping, 1X being knocked out. I’m thrilled to not have this done as a separate event!

Next I will need to see the Thoracic Surgeon for consultation, find out the how of removal. Both Docs are at the UCSF Cancer Center. Per the pulmanologist, surgery will be done from the back. This thoracic surgeon has been written up in the SF Chronicle for small incisions, least invasive surgery. Hope this works well for my recovery. Lawrence was up and running pretty quickly after his appendectomy.

What will I need? Bring a meal to my family while I’m gone, come visit me in the hospital, and PRAY.

God has blessed me so much through this experience. I can feel the power of the prayers of His people. I know from the past the power of prayer focused on me. I’m a little bummed thinking about when life is back to health and regular living and I won’t have the extra prayers of so many people. Not so bummed as to not want to be living in that space again!! God gives us times in our lives to put life into perspective. This life is but a fleeting moment in time. We are as grass in a meadow here today, gone tomorrow. So many blessings. Such a good and generous God. I’ve been reading the Old Testiment from Joshua to 2Kings and have a real sense of how blessed I am that Christ came to be the fulfillment of the law. I could never live up to what was expected of the Old Testament folks! Praise God for salvation, without my perfection. Christ is Lord and He is Risen!