I saw my surgeon yesterday. I was braced for having to explain myself and prove I was still in pain. I have been so frustrated by my limitations. I feel generally pretty good, but if I do "normal daily activities" as I am supposed to be able to do, I have pain. Cleaning up the kitchen table and loading the dishwasher= 3 days pain. Vacuuming is out. The motion is too difficult still. I can force it, but can feel that I am pulling and not ready. How do I know this, I stopped after a whirl around the living room rug, getting the crouch off the floor.

I have to say, I have had fabulous friends coming over, vacuuming, fixing a meal, hanging out. So valuable.

Back to the doctor apt. She said that most of the patients of this type of surgery are elderly and subsequently have muscle atrophy, muscles turning to fat. The pain is less with less muscle, and being young, I had more muscle to cut through and now heal. Carrying babies for 7 years has kept this muscle strong. So more pain is "normal". The doc said 6 weeks of being on pain meds would have been best, but since I've been weaning off medication since week 2, I haven't had proper pain management to allow healing. Hmmmmmm. Frustrating, but here we are, I have enough pain meds now to not worry about running out, so if I'm legitimately hurting, I don't have to endure pain. This alone has given me a relief. Strange, but now I'm hurting less. It is the weekend and Lawrence is home and taking such good care of me.

But what about addiction you ask? As long as I medicate the pain, rather than the anticipation of pain, I should be OK. I have been at 1 percacet every 20-30 hours most days. I am humbled by the pull of the medication, and can see how I'm walking a line. Sometimes it is work to not take the medication until I'm in sufficient pain, so again, please keep me in prayer to be judicious and wise.