Upcoming Doctor Appointments

Pet- Cat- scan scheduled June 6 715a. You know me, this is painful! So early! Next appointment with Thoracic Surgeon is Friday June 15. To go over scans, and talk about the surgery. I don't know how soon they'll schedule this, guess it depends on when everyone is available. Could be any time after that apointment. Will keep you posted.

I really want to go to the Modesto Home School Convention 27-28July. Please pray I will be healed enough and in driving condition by that time.

Until next time.........

News Flash

To verify this tumor did not originate elsewhere, I will have a pet cat-scan. This is cool. It checks for any cells that are eating sugars quickly, fast metabolic growth. Before surgery I will also need a pulmonary function workup. After consulting a Thoracic surgeon, and looking over my films, the recommendation is now to have the tumor removed ASAP to avoid future problems from a larger tumor. So, ASAP is soon, but not light speed. Lawrence has 2 weeks vacation, so guess this will be like having a baby:-o As for the 2nd biopsy, they will do what is called a frozen biopsy, during the first part of surgery. One stop shopping, 1X being knocked out. I’m thrilled to not have this done as a separate event!

Next I will need to see the Thoracic Surgeon for consultation, find out the how of removal. Both Docs are at the UCSF Cancer Center. Per the pulmanologist, surgery will be done from the back. This thoracic surgeon has been written up in the SF Chronicle for small incisions, least invasive surgery. Hope this works well for my recovery. Lawrence was up and running pretty quickly after his appendectomy.

What will I need? Bring a meal to my family while I’m gone, come visit me in the hospital, and PRAY.

God has blessed me so much through this experience. I can feel the power of the prayers of His people. I know from the past the power of prayer focused on me. I’m a little bummed thinking about when life is back to health and regular living and I won’t have the extra prayers of so many people. Not so bummed as to not want to be living in that space again!! God gives us times in our lives to put life into perspective. This life is but a fleeting moment in time. We are as grass in a meadow here today, gone tomorrow. So many blessings. Such a good and generous God. I’ve been reading the Old Testiment from Joshua to 2Kings and have a real sense of how blessed I am that Christ came to be the fulfillment of the law. I could never live up to what was expected of the Old Testament folks! Praise God for salvation, without my perfection. Christ is Lord and He is Risen!

Lookin' Good

We were so excited, we were 30 minutes early for the 12n doc appt. (for other people that's on time:o) They put us in a room right away. Cool, good thing we were early we said. at 1:15p the doc came in appologizing. She didn't know were where there! She was told she'd seen everyone and was done.

Bottom line, she saw my blood work, the images, the mass is more on the spine, not her expertise, however she see's lung cancer all day long, and is familiar with cancer. Doesn't look like the tumor is compressing anything in a restrictive way. 2 choices. Follow it to see if it grows or changes, or biopsy it and see if it is benign as it appears. There are a couple of rare things it could be, but they are rare. I have none of the symptoms of these rare cancers, so, not likely.

She also said she didn't hear a wheeze, like I hear. So it must be upper airway noise. Will do pulmonary testing/workup to see what is going on there. Dr. Leard also said the tumor is not puting much pressure on lung, definitely not enough for a wheeze whether I have one or not.

Doc will check with some surgeons to see if anything further needs doing, perhaps seeing a neurosurgeon, since it is in nerve area. If surgery would be needed, which doesn't seem to be the case, it would be done by a neurosurgeon. Doc called back yesterday already, but I wasn't home to take her call. So I'll call her back on Tuesday to see what she discovered from looking at the images again and speaking with sergeon/s.

All in all, I feel very happy, peaceful with this visit. Please pray about wisdom of 2nd biopsy. Lawrence would like to see this diagnosed, not wonder what if, and I don't want to experience any more biopsies. This one would be done at the UCSF Cancer Center with the Radiologist present so hopefully they would get a better sample than last time. The BIG bummer is that I would get no sedation drugs like last time, just some lidocane. From a side effect standpoint, that's great, from a nervous, pain standpoint, I don't want to experience this.

Even in just writing this out, it does seem prudent to do the 2nd biopsy, so we'll see what the doc says Monday. She is very knowlegable and attentive, which gives me a sence of being taken care of. Really needed that! She's taking care of my case even though it really doesn't fall into her 'juristiction'. She did say it was refreshing to see something so benign looking. This tumor is unlikely to be any more ominous than a huge information packet giving me opportunity to grow and change. Yay Charicter, Go book of James chapter 1!!!

SF Bay Don Edwards fieldtrip

Tomorrow is the Dr appt. Please pray for Gods favor to be on me. Wisdom for the Doc and myself and peace in our home and on all of us as we take the next step towards health and healing, one way or another.

tracks in the mud. Who was here?

The kids experience how malard ducks take flight. Some of these ducks would take longer than others to take off!

What's the difference between a pelican bone and a deer bone. Why?

kids were broken into smaller classes.
Barn owl wing.

Caleb and Malachi in front right of picture, burnt orange sweatshirt.




A couple Thursdays ago we went to Don Edwards on a field trip. Caleb and Malachi got to disect owl pellets, see different wings, feet, beeks, taste pickel weed, learn about the habitats and how different animals live in thier habitats.

Mothers Day and my birthday

For mothers day I asked for the family to spend time gardening together. Lawrence and the boys bought all the supplies while I took a nap in the car with Silas. If you know me, this is uncharicteristic, usually, I can't sleep anywhere no matter how tired I am. I was recovering from a cold.

Once home, time to garden, I left to pick up my mom, car trouble. When I came home all the plants and orange TREE were planted! What a great gift. They planted beans, tomato's, watermelon, corn, and several types of squash. BBQ vegetables from the garden, yummmmmm.

In the front yard we are making a butterfly/ hummingbird garden. Our yard has come a long way baby. We've been in our house 10 years. We moved in, May 1997 and we were the weedy lawn neighbors for a long time. So nice to have a usable, and beautiful yard!

co-pays & deductables

Just received a call from Lawrences dentist advising he needs a bridge and our portion of the charge is 1500. Got a bill from my biopsy, my portion 2000. We're hitting our yearly maximums. Our new insurance year just started May 1st of course. Arg!

God is a gracious provider, and what this means is lots of provision. I have been complaining about the worsening costs of medical insurances, higher co-pays, deductables where there were none.... I know some of you are nodding vigerously, you've been noticing it too. Well, after reading over the benefits for this year, I was struck with the fact that we still get so much, and having Lawrence quit his job and work from home would be so expensive, it appears to be cost prohibative.

Even with the deductables and co-pays, we are getting much more than we will ever put into 'our share'. With the scans, cat, MRI, pet, the specialists, we'd be sunk. All in perspective.

Lawrence had his first Chiropractic appointment last Saturday, for $10. Finally, a small co-pay!

Back in the saddle again

I now have an actual real appointment with a pulmanologist. I was called finally by UCSF chest department with the phone number to where she thought was a better fit. Department of Thorasic Oncology. (Thorasic=chest area).

12n, 25 May is my appointment, fit in as an overbooking. This doc is located in the Cancer center at UCSF Mt Zion. So ominous sounding, but that's where I want to be,with people who know which end is up, familiar with masses of all types. Please continue to pray for God to grant me favor in the doc and staff to go the extra mile. To see me as a human, a woman, mother, wife.....

Please pray for this mass to schrivel like a raisin with every breath of air I take. Life will be removed from this 'information packet' and transfered to me and my new life in Christ.

Looking back at one of Gods provisions

I recently had occasion to remember how we were given our home. While we wait for God's provision, I thank God for how he has provided for our family in the past.

Before we got our house, we were living in San Leandro, cockroaches, helicopter flying over sometimes…. We couldn’t possibly afford a home, and yet, God had a home for us. My sister-in-law was shopping, and came across a lender, long and short of it, she wasn’t interested, said call my brother. The guy called us, a lender who helped the original owner get loan, so no real estate agent involved. The home was almost in foreclosure, foreclosure was pushed back several times and pushed back again, just because he had prospective buyers in escrow, a fast escrow opened the day he got our names. He asked us if we were interested. We were interested, sight unseen, but was he really interested in us, we had debt, very little income, and challenged credit. After 3 undeniable miracles, we were living in our new home only 15 days later. Let me tell you, I was making 6.65/hr 20 hrs a week and Lawrence had 2 part time jobs at 10/hr and 15/hr or so. We had a car with a loan balance on it that was stolen and totaled, squeaking us in for the credit ratio(All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his purposes). This house was originally ‘low-income’ housing with the city of Hayward holding a 2nd. A 2nd where you don't pay until you sell or choose to pay, with profit-sharing at pay-off. They offered to give us a 2nd as they had for the original owners. This was 20K and not nearly enough to get us qualified for the loan, so they upped it to an unprecedented 52K!! Our debt ratio was still too high, and I got my 1st annual stock statement from the company I was working for, key word annual, within the week we were doing all the paperwork. That put us just barely in range for the loan on the house, we closed. We borrowed the 5K we needed for a down-payment from Lawrence’s sister. We got it back in 5k credit for repairs that the house needed, to pay her back, and the rest is history. I peeked in the windows before closing escrow; Lawrence never even saw the inside of the house before we had the keys! This is truly an awesome powerful rich generous God we serve. The impossible made possible through him, for his glory. Every good thing comes from him alone.

In our humanity, we would have never been able to afford to buy a home, even through today in the Bay Area. This home never went on the market. We had roommates for the first 5 years just to afford the mortgage. And now, I have a home with a yard, albeit small, for my boys to play in.

Brotherly Love

Caleb and Malachi have been fighting a lot. They have an incredible time together, playing, being goofy, having fun, and fighting, and not just with light sabers :-o Many of you have been praying with me for harmony, and to that end, when they fight, they must 'work it out' taylor sitting accross from eachother, knee to knee, hands on the others knee. As soon as they can high 5 or hug, and be ok with eachother they are allowed to be done, having worked it out. This is a new strategy, it does work with much help getting them set up, sometimes we are a triad, with me mediating. Please pray for love, patience, kindness, peace, forgiving spirits, trust. For willing attitutes, and consistancy on my and Lawrence's part. Also for Lawrence and I to be disciplining, and seen by the boys as a team. And consistancy, consistancy, oh and please pray for consistancy!

New information coming soon`

Long time since there has been any news. I have been turned over to the chest department, Hahaha, at UCSF. They have all types on this team, Radiologits, Surgeons, etc... I'm waiting for a call from them now to have a meeting to discuss next step. Sounds like they'll push another biopsy. I want to get as much info as possible, and if the eventual outcome of this mass is to be removed, then, why put me under for a biopsy, let's just get it out. Unless they give me extremely compelling reasons otherwise, my desire is to have a pet-scan, then remove this thing. The petscan can see cancer, so that sounds good to me. Again, I'll listen to hear if there are compelling reasons otherwise. Please pray for discernment and wisdom as I hear the foreign language of Dr's, and that they would see me as a human and God would grant me favor in their eyes, to spend the time to be sure I understand, not rush...

So, until next time..........That's all folks.

Prayer requests

Current prayer needs

1. Assimilation into character all of the things God has been revealing to me
2. harmony among siblings, spirit of unity and building each-other up rather than tearing down, fighting, or teasing
3. continued peace
4. radiologist would make recommendation for next course of action. They have my films, reports etc and are coming up with next step(I think they must just have my paperwork in a stack and are waiting to get to it)
5. Parenting – help kids focus on being a team, building each-other up. Doing school effectively, finding their strengths and disciplining with each kids uniqueness in mind
6. Going to bed by or near 11p, rather than later. That I would feel tired at that time. This is when I usually get my energy.
7. Restful sleep- Lawrence and Heidi
8. Peace and comfort, wisdom, discernment for Lawrence.
9. Malachi has been having nightmares – age appropriate, but please pray that he will no longer have them as we pray together for them to go away and that he’d focus on God, sing a song, or have some other experience of Gods power instead

10. Lastly, shrinking the mass.

I know I’m being prayed for as I have tremendous peace. Thank you to all the Straub siblings for praying for my health and healing, and thank you to all of you who are reading my blog and keeping me in your prayers.

Still waiting to hear from Radiologist their recommondation as to next step. Will update blog when I hear any news.

Reviewing blood test numbers

I'm going through my last blood test numbers with a fine tooth comb and my buddy Google. I came accross some interesting results. My AST is low, less than 15, normal range 16-41. All I can find is for elevated AST. Bilirubin, direct is less than 0.1, normal range 0.1-0.3. Again only high info. Alkaline phosphatese 132, normal 29-111. Below is what I found regarding Alkaline phosphatese.

Causes of high alkaline phosphatase include bone growth, healing fracture, acromegaly, osteogenic sarcoma, liver or bone metastases, leukemia, myelofibrosis, and rarely myeloma. Alkaline phosphatase is used as a tumor marker. http://www.labcorp.com/datasets/labcorp/html/chapter/mono/pr014700.htm

Tumor markers are substances, usually proteins, that are produced by the body in response to cancer growth or by the cancer tissue itself. Some tumor markers are specific, while others are seen in several cancer types. Many of the well-known markers are also seen in non-cancerous conditions. Consequently, these tumor markers are not diagnostic for cancer.

Will check with my NP tomorrow to get new bloodwork to go over, and to find out my next step. I'll keep you posted.

How many cooks?

Malachi enjoys the spoils of cake making. Silas throws back a beater.

This was our happy UN-birthday cake we made. Thanks Amy for the mix.

Simple Revelations

My need to nurture the world is my revelation for this week. Owning other people’s happiness has been killing me, figuratively and literally. This mass is next to my heart where I hold close my misguided responsibility to the world. Thank God I am not Jesus! I’ve just been confused as to my role with other people’s needs and emotions.

If you are really eager to give, it isn't important how much you are able to give. God wants you to give what you have, not what you don't have. 2 Corinthians 8:12

Duh! I have been giving eagerly, but from what I don't have. Now I can give from a truly generous place, while I learn what I have and what I don't have. I'm also figuring out how to change the way I process and recognize when to get away and recognizing other peoples ownership of their emotions. Mine, not mine.

I’m very receptive. I’ve found that I feel the emotions for Lawrence for instance. He had a project due early Monday, and was feeling overwhelmed so he was headed up for a nap. I found myself completely overwhelmed with him leaving our family space. I was feeling despair, and suddenly realized, “I stay home with my kids alone all the time. This is not a big deal.” That’s when I realized I was tapping in on Lawrence’s feelings, not my own. A little out there, but if the shoe fits! Getting a mass in your body is a bit out there too:-o My body’s way of screaming at me, “You have to change some things, NOW!!!

Biopsy Inconclusive

The results of the core biopsy done last week are inconclusive. The samples were small, stringy and didn't give much information. Probably not malignant going on history of no cancer in my family, and my being virtually asymptomatic. Symptom was from the mass itself, wheezing, and getting bronchitis.

Bottom line is, a larger sample is required. The good thing is, I have 1 person keeping track of things now, I can relax in that area, not trying to coordinate. That is a relief.

Next step now is to get more blood work done, probably have a pet scan(never heard of it? Me neither, gonna Google it in a minute), and then another biopsy. I will be put out for the next biopsy since they will be taking a larger chunk close to the aorta, the reason the last samples were so small.

More waiting, more prayers. I really covet your prayers for peace, calm and being free from anxiety. I've been feeling the anxiety in my stomach.

Just got a call again from my UCSF Nurse Practitioner, Gjedsted. I am getting set up with a Radiologist to review all the films of the 2 cat scans and MRI to determine if any new pictures need to be taken with the pet scan. Will find out more information next week, after the Radiologist reviews the films. So I imagine, I won't find out anything until at least Thursday or Friday at the earliest. I had blood taken back in October of 2006 and it had no unusual white blood cell counts, which is good and indicated not malignant.

Who's on 2nd? Yes. What? What's on 3rd....

Please pray this with me. Siting a precedence from scripture. 2 Corinthians 1:10-11.... this is Paul sending a letter to the people in Corinth, referring to a difficult time he had in Asia as a missionary.

....."And he did deliver us from mortal danger. And we are confident that he will continue to deliver us. He will rescue us because you are helping by praying for us. As a result, many will give thanks to God because so many people's prayers for our safety have been answered."

This morning was filled with many phone calls trying to get my biopsy specimen sent to UCSF from Stanford. I have talked to countless people this morning, docs, lab techs, billing depts, customer service, and an assundry of others. Bottom line is, I've exhausted my leads and now wait for return calls. The insurance company advised me that Stanford should call for a clearance before performing the pathology, so if they don't, and later bill me, it will involve more legwork and phonecalls, but I will not be responsible for the charges. Praise God for that! Now the specimen needs to get to UCSF for diagnosis so we can move on to the next step.

Thank you for your prayers, and please keep on praying for me.

working out my salvation

12Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Philippians 2:12-13

I never really thought about what the phrase working out my salvation meant. I am struck by this verse today. I am doing soul searching, growing, hearing God in different ways, having breakthroughs in understanding..... and so much more. This morning, Jackson was talking about forgiveness. I think I've learned how to forgive, had some real breakthroughs in this area in the past. One thing Jackson said struck me. Tolerating is not forgiving. I have come to tolerate many things in my life. This 'information packet' (aka mass) is showing me how this has not been beneficial to me. I choose to be forgiving as I am now seeing with new eyes, insults that I've tolerated, and stored away inside me. Holding in, without even realizing it, building this mass inside of me. Do I believe I solely created and built this mass in self destruction, no. But what Satan meant for evil, God means for good.

Judgementalness, and not forgiving are very intertwined. I have recently seen how judgemental I can be. Pride and judgementalness go hand in hand. With the same measure you forgive, you will be forgiven. Same with judgement. I have been judged very harshly, I can never measure up to where I should be. This is why Jesus has given his ultimate sacrifice. Because I don't have to measure up, he took the judgement for me.

He prayed at the Garden of Gethsemane, that if this hideous experience could be taken from him, that it would. I feel the same way. If I can learn the lessons I need to embody, understand and know, please spare me from what I see in my path. BUT, if this is the only way for me to work out my salvation, and I don't mean to be saved from hell, but to be given life here on earth, to live in abundance that can only come from God, through Christ, and my relationship with him, then I accept with open arms the journey he's laid out before me and my family.

I pray that you will accept the gift God gave us through the pain he suffered, so that you can be free from the oppression that comes from living for your pleasure and yourself. God calls us to him and to live intensely for his purposes in different ways. The burden of living for ourselves is heavy. We each live it in our own ways, I have judgementalness, perfectionist tendencies, and whatever else. Others have depression, self-focus and loathing.

I am working out my salvation, and I pray I will be here to raise my children and one day see theirs.

Initial Pathology Results

Just got a call from my doc. Didn't expect to get a call this soon! Initial pathology is interesting. Eden lab doesn't see anything that is familiar that would point to malignancy(cancerous), however, she didn't recognize what she saw at all. So hmmmmmmmm. Apparently, Wednesday, they took 3 core samples, large tissue samples. Glad for that, hopefully this gives them plenty to send around. So Eden sent the samples to Stanford.

So we wait to see what the diagnosis is. Interesting, I asked about the mass itself. It has very clearly defined boundries, hahaha, unlike me in the past:) Something I'm working on now.

Getting High at the hospital- groovy

Having been so nervous leading up to this biopsy, it was a breeze really. I had verced and phentenol. Wow! That stuff is great! I can't say enough about how much I enjoyed the drugs! I wasn't nervous, I even asked for a piece of the mass and they totally ignored me, 2x! I should have asked when I was sober.

The procedure was late, I got wheeled into a hallway and left for a while, so timing is a bit foggy. After the biopsy, while under the bliss of drugs, I had an X-Ray, why, I still don't know. After that, I got wheeled back to recovery, spent and hour drinking water, listening to Lawrence read readers digest jokes. Some of them are real stumpers, don't know how they ended up in there, but others made me cry.

So, the results should be in sometime in the next week. 3-5 days, or until they get them done.

Thank you for your faithful prayers. Don't stop:)

Biopsy is on for tomorrow

Got a call from Eden this morning saying that if I have problems getting admitted tomorrow, that the invasive radiologist will go on as my doc requesting the procedure and so we are on as scheduled.

Silas will be with Janet and her kids Caleb, Joel and Abigail. Please pray this will be a fun time for Silas to have the attention of so many people. My mom will pick up Silas around 12n and have all 3 boys at her house until Lawrence can pick them up later.

So next stop....pathology....toot toot!! ok now I'm giddy, too much caffeine.